In college, I managed to fill up my planner with lunch and dinner dates, parties, Open side menu button Sophia Caron, Jacqueline Thomas, Alaina Torres, Jeewon Oh, William Chopik; How to Cancel Plans With Friends: A Mixed Methods Study of Strategy and Experience. Kim, J. J., Muise, A., Impett, E. A. First, the current study was cross-sectional in nature and relied on peoples responses to being cancelled on and general attitudes toward cancellations. Ideally, its best to cancel your plans as far in advance as possible so the other party has the opportunity to reallocate their time, or so you can reschedule to another mutually convenient time for you both(with the assumption that youre not going to bail again!). Having these elements present is consistent with observations from the literature on rejection communication, in which rejections are more clearly accepted when some consideration for the target of a rejection is made (Jablin & Krone, 1984). Participants ranged in age from 18 to 80 (Mage = 22.20, SD = 7.70). Were allowed to change our minds. Be it dinner or brunch, informal or sophisticated, quick or laborious, your people will love it. Gable, S. L., Impett, E. A. 5 Excuses For Canceling A Date That Are Totally Legitimate - Elite Daily (2018). Second, and related to the first limitation, having individuals spontaneously generate preferences for cancellations, reasons for cancellations, and emotional responses to cancellations invites a great degree of individual difference influences that were not modeled in the current study. 2Make a phone call. A theory of communal (and exchange) relationships. Do you: A) Make up an excuse and hope your friends dont know a lie when they hear one? However, I also recognize that its important to push myself outside of my comfort zone from time to time and so I do sometimes say yes to plans, even when I know they might make me a little bit uncomfortable. The current study examined how people would prefer friends to cancel plans, their negative emotions to being cancelled on, and the best ways to go about it. To prevent this, we examined ways to go about cancelling plans that would not negatively impact friendships. 1. "don't want to be around me", Mention changing their mind about hanging out ), Michigan State University, East Lansing, MI, US. Shell totally understandhappens to her all the time. One helpful tactic is to look at your week during the preceding weekend, and determine which plans need to be canceled. One way to soften the blow is to cancel plans a few days in advance if you foresee yourself needing some alone time on the day your plans have been made. Work- or obligation-related excuses were also seen as appropriate by about 40% of the sample. Eighty percent of respondents said that canceling plans would not affect their friendship most people reported low levels of distress when they were bailed on, though higher if it was a close friend doing it. You don't want to use it all up on a boring day out with your pals. These rules involved providing keeping commitments, whether these are telling a friend something in confidence, repaying debts, or striving to make them happy when in each others presence. An excuse like this basically gives you carte-blanche. For the most part, people will be understanding and not take it personally because hopefully, they realize that youre wanting to cancel plans is not about them, its about you (usually). Does it mean were awful, terrible people? How important is it for them to reschedule? 61 Believable Excuses To Get Out Of Plans - Excuse Index We may earn a commission from links on this page. 1 You're not feeling well. Still give as much notice as you can, and still be apologetic, and still make new plans. No, that's not a dirty joke just the truth. You've only watched 16 videos of veterans coming home to their dogs and you promised yourself you'd break 30 tonight. you to get more sick than you are for a plan. Disillusionment: A prototype analysis. For example, declining sexual advances in a way that is reassuring to a partner conveys that the rejector is responsive; the same is not true when sexual advances are declined in hostile, assertive, or deflecting ways (also see Gable & Impett, 2012; Impett et al., 2010 for a relevant discussion of approach and avoidance motivation). Ethnically based rejection sensitivity and academic achievement: The danger of retracting into ones heritage culture. Often you can already tell that youll be too wiped out for that show on Thursday, or that theres no way youll make it to all three parties on Friday. "Met someone and have a date instead", Mention money as a barrier to hanging out or another practicality 11 Good excuses for missing work on short notice Any excuse is usually fine for missing work, as long as you've given your supervisor plenty of time to plan for your absence. 3. Similarly, experimental paradigms also exist that are meant to emulate experiences with interpersonal rejection and ostracism (e.g., cyberball, false feedback, manufactured social interactions; Ciarocco et al., 2001; Williams & Jarvis, 2006). We occasionally ran paired-sample t-tests comparing some of the closed-ended questions against each other (i.e., comparing cancellations from acquaintances, close friends, and friends) and one-sample t-tests to test whether the mean of a closed-ended question was significantly above or below the midpoint (for descriptive purposes). Keep reading for a handful of do's and don'ts around the etiquette of canceling plans. Chopik said one of the more surprising findings was the myriad of legitimate reasons people gave their friends for canceling plans. Because we went in with the assumption that being cancelled on was a negative experienceand our group discussion to generate these items reflects thatwe likely missed a more accurate characterization of this experience. In H. T. Reis S. Sprecher (Eds.). This works well with out-of-town family and when you make it seem like their visit is unexpected (and the last thing you want to do). Enduring personal characteristics might also affect peoples responses to being cancelled on or their memories of previous cancellations. "But there were also a few more surprising findings, like canceling plans for emotional or . "I had to wash my hair", Mention attending a date instead 2. This study found that, when being cancelled on, most people want an honest excuse with advanced notice via a quick call/text. There are many reasons to cancel plans. OMG, you thought the plans were for next week. For example, in studies examining how people can best deliver bad news (e.g., Jablin & Krone, 1984), flattering people with praise initially before the bad news often increases the likelihood that people clearly understand the message being conveyed and consider the message to be more personable (e.g., being rejected for a job). 1. Canceling plans with a friend? MSU research says don't lie For example, they might feel relatively indifferent to having a friend cancel on them. . Van Lange, A. W. Kruglanski, E. T. Higgins (Eds.). Ostracism and Ego Depletion: The Strains of Silence. "Having to work or something to do with their kids", Mention something that would be considered unexpected or a non-specific emergency "have them tell me why they are cancelling plans", Mentions something about rescheduling or making plans for the future Dont you hate it when you get thrown a curveball at work? In this way, being cancelled on by close others may be more upsetting because it more clearly violates the norms of friendship and could resemble a form of social rejection (Argyle & Henderson, 1984; Hartgerink et al., 2015). When using this excuse to get out of plans at the last minute, its best to come up with an ailment that could come on suddenly, like a throbbing headache or an upset stomach due to something you may have eaten earlier in the day. Often . Approximately half of the sample said that health- (49.4%) or family-related excuses (49.4%) are the most appropriate. A., Williams, K. E. G., Aktipis, A., Kenrick, D. T. (2021). When explicitly asked how upset they would be if they were cancelled on by a good or best friend, the modal response for participants was that they would be moderately upset. With so many illnesses going around, getting sick is a given. Two research assistants then used the coding scheme identified and coded the presence (1) or absence (0) of a particular characteristic in each response for 200 randomly chosen responses to establish reliability and discussed any disagreement or confusion following the calculation of kappa. These items were generated from a group discussion between the last author and two students about the possible negative emotional responses and considerations someone might have to be cancelled on. Future research can model individual differences in peoples responses to cancellations and their tendencies to and strategies for cancelling on others, as well as situational characteristics that might affect these relationships. We adopted a content coding approach to examining the frequency of different themes that emerged in the spontaneous responses to the open-ended questions (Morgan, 1993; Smith, 2000; Woike, 2007). No one can fault you for saying its not in the budget right now! There were also some gender differences in the open-ended features. Maybe your mom needs you to take her to a doctors appointment or your husband has a big presentation at work the next day and wants you to look it over. Although people did not report strong feelings of distress when asked about being cancelled on, their stronger reactions to more emotionally close friends cancelling on them and their preferred cancellation experiences were consistent with current relationship theories and research (e.g., being honest and responsive to relational partners and friends; Argyle & Henderson, 1984; Chandler, 2018; Reis et al., 2004; Rusbult et al., 1998). Thus, we asked about reactions to being cancelled on by friends varying in their level of closeness. Correspondence concerning this manuscript should be addressed to William J. Chopik, Department of Psychology, Michigan State University, 316 Physics Rd., East Lansing, Michigan 48824. Any chance to do it next week instead because you actually cant make it today? The study was not pre-registered. Christensen-Szalanski, J. J. Collabra: Psychology 3 January 2023; 9 (1): 57549. doi: https://doi.org/10.1525/collabra.57549. Now you need a believable excuse to get out of your plans! How upset would you be if a good friend cancelled plans with you? For example, cancellations with friends do not occur in a vacuum and there is often a long-shared history between friends. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. The results for the close-ended items are presented in the right-most panel of Table 1. Instead of going out, offer to make food at home! This excuse works well when the plans involve a financial commitment. A lack of interest (18.1%) or an outright lie (13.5%) were also spontaneously offered as inappropriate excuses to cancel. No. Implications of rejection sensitivity for intimate relationships. Your babysitter canceled at the last minute and thus you have no choice but to reschedule. But there were also a few more surprising findings, like canceling plans for emotional or physical reasons beyond these, like feeling exhausted or just needing to take a nap. (Been there! (2007) found that people feel most disappointed if a negative outcome is unexpected and negatively reflects their self-image or what is important to them personally. So before responding to the text, you make some plans. In P. A. In a study that sought to identify the largest contributors to disappointment, Carroll et al. Are there some reasons for cancellations that are unforgiveable? #2 Using Too Many Excuses. So if you find that looking for excuses to get out of plans is something you do pretty regularly, take some time to reflect on thereal reasonand what you can do to help yourself feel better about your social commitments. Cost of living - latest updates: UK now set for 6.25% interest rate Maybe its a last-minute meeting that just popped up on your calendar or a project deadline that youre not going to meet if you dont forego your plans and work late instead. (2003). Being cancelled on is inevitable. This excuse is a good one because its likely the truth in many cases! Commitment and satisfaction in romantic associations: A test of the investment model. London, B., Downey, G., Bonica, C., Paltin, I. In other words, maintaining friendships involves making plans with friendsplans that are mostly comprised of shared leisure activities (Larson et al., 1986). You may have made your plans a while ago and now youre no longer interested in going. Joel, S., Teper, R., MacDonald, G. (2014). How to Cancel Plans Without Losing Friends and Feeling Like a Jerk - SELF Likewise, people with insecure attachment orientations may negatively twist relationship experiences, such that cancellations are remembered more negatively than when they first occurred (Feeney & Cassidy, 2003; Simpson et al., 2010). Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K., Newton, T. L. (2001). A. Cancel one or two days in advance. Kassam, K. S., Gilbert, D. T., Boston, A., Wilson, T. D. (2008). Are there certain situationsand even friendshipswhere friends are obligated to provide excuses or not? Marriage and health: His and hers. Yes, you know you need to work on better boundaries, but family comes first. Reciprocity of liking. People are more likely to forgive their families than their friends or business associates for changes in plans. "I'm just really tired." If you can nail a realistic yawn, and. Giles, L. C., Glonek, G. F. V., Luszcz, M. A., Andrews, G. R. (2005). Do you ever make plans to do something that sounds really great at the time, but then later find yourself looking forexcuses to cancel plans at the last minute? Oh, J., Chopik, W. J., Nuttall, A. K. (2020). 1(not at all important)-5(extremely important). Imagine that they will eventually tell you about cancelling the plans for something a week (i.e., 7 days) from now. (2014). The questions are reproduced in the bottom panel of Table 1. Here are seven excuses that I'm guilty of using. 12 Times It's Totally Okay To Back Out Of Plans - Bustle And if this kind of cancelation becomes a frequent habit, youre making too many plans; see below. Effects of rejection by a friend for someone else on emotions and behavior. You might have to sound sick but not that too much, otherwise, they might cancel their plans to be with you. The data and study materials can be found at: https://osf.io/vxnrk/. What can you do? We tried to collect as large a sample as possible to give us a wide range of open-ended experiences regarding cancelling plans. Family/friend emergency A dead grandparent or some grave accident is an undeniable emergency that would get you out of any obligation. The most common ones are as below: You are tired and do not have any energy. Mentions wanting to be given advanced notice Rusbult, C. E. (1983). Whether it's Covid, the flu, or a common cold, even going to the grocery store is enough to put yourself in the face of some kind of germ you wouldn't want to spread. (1986). "can't afford it", Mention they received a more attractive offer from another party or activity Argyle, M., & Henderson, M. (1984). More than 1,100 people weighed in for the first large study to delve into the societal norms that exist around canceling plans, according to Chopik. 7 Excuses I've Made to Cancel Plans and Keep Reading (2018). The racial/ethnic breakdown of the sample was 71.8% White, 9.9% Asian, 8.3% Black/African American, 4.3% multiracial, 3.9% Hispanic/Latino, and 1.8% other races/ethnicities.1. In terms of what constitutes an inappropriate excuse, the most frequently mentioned excuse was that they received a better offer for a more attractive social event (53.3%). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. but how do you handle it? Reis, H. T., Clark, M. S., Holmes, J. G. (2004). However, a Chi-squared test revealed that they were relatively similar in terms of race/ethnicity 2(8) = 13.15, p = .107 (e.g., 79.1% White among MTurk participants, 70.7% White among subject pool participants). 11 Good Excuses To Miss Work on Short Notice - Zippia How much notice do you think your friend should give when cancelling plans? The author attributed the large investment of time to a simple explanationit takes time and experiences to grow close to others and form intimate relationships. Many of the questions asked change in the specific reaction or emotional response and use different response scales. While I wouldn't quite say. You are on a deadline. The best excuse is usually the truth. Feeling disappointed, along with its accompanying higher-order feeling of disillusionment, has important personal and social consequences that can jeopardize both our individual standing and our friendships if they are the source of disappointment (Maher et al., 2020). You can get sick at any time and thus its an easy excuse to get out of plans at the last minute (or with advance notice). You are broke. Most prominent among the many factors is a general disrespect regarding a friends time and an unreciprocated sense of commitment. 1 "I'm really tired." "I'm so tired," you'll say, fully aware that you're about to stay up all night finishing a book about dragons. Can we reschedule as soon as I recover from it?" Although I just listed 21 believable excuses to get out of plans, most of the time, the best excuse is the truth. And, people are generally pretty good at recognizing an excuse that is not 100% truthful. "Just as long as they give enough notice", Mentions wanting to be told over some medium, meant to be quick/immediate Other times we simply have a change of heart and no longer feel like keeping the plans wed made. The Case For Cancelling Plans, Thoughtfully - The Good Trade The most common good excuses centered around health, family, and work commitments. Its out of your control. Try making new plans for something youll be excited about. Ok, so youve given it some thought and decided that canceling is the way to go. Conversely, excuses regarding a better offer, such as finding something better to do, were among the most unacceptable reasons to cancel plans. You're exhausted, overwhelmed, and just want to eat popcorn on your couch. 110 Powerful Positive Affirmations for Moms, How to Know When Your Intuition is Talking to You, 21 Totally Believable Excuses to Cancel Plans, Finding Joy in Motherhood (when it feels too hard). This is especially the case with friends (Chopik, 2017; Giles et al., 2005; Larson et al., 1986).
Did You Arrive Safely,
Grievance Minutes Of Meeting,
Articles G