It was incredibly frustrating, but I also dont think calling my legislators would have helped. My thoughts are that it would show that I am accustomed to high-level work, often under high-pressure, with high-stakes and under the public eye. People in my state were getting denial letters after the window had closed and the Unemployment Agency was being a bit more flexible because the delays were their fault, not the fault of the people applying. Dust off that employee handbook and learn whether or not relationships between employees are even allowed, Greer says . Heck, I worked for years at newspapers, where I didnt get off work until midnight. UK here and got a boss wholl tell you to put a meeting in your diary (means Outlook calendar) and I also have a diary at home where I scrawl my general thoughts etc. Are you one of those people who thinks that minors should never speak to an adult thats not related to them? From another state rep staffer, I hope youre doing ok and hanging in there! We met at work and he is 14 years my senior. I think the age matters for context of their relationship. Roci is correct that the woman in the letter should be aware of the dynamic and cautious at the very least. Most people that say Im so mature for my age or Im an old soul arent nearly as mature as they think they are. Seems to be working well the dog people sometimes want dog details (which is fine in my case), and no one else asks for additional info. Ive also used I didnt think about work at all the whole time which is true, and I use to illustrate the mental break. 4 minutes ago. We also take note of how our state legislature hasnt met in session in over 9 months (!) And yes, Im aware that LW1 is male and the manager is female, and its not quite the same thing. Yeah, I think continuing to be warm just means, You cant be cold towards this person at work, just because they didnt want a relationship. Is it possible something like that is happening? The conventional wisdom for determining if an age gap in dating is ok is you halve the older persons age and add 7. I got to the point where the top of my to do list had things that have been on it for years and were never urgent enough to rise to the top over the endlessly repetitive tasks of maintaining the house and myself (ugh cooking and cleaning). If she understands why her boss has that impression well, its a wake-up call to change that if shes bothered by it. Something to think about when measuring the pros and cons. Age gaps between two middle-aged or older folk is a bit different from an age gap with someone who was so recently a child. Chances are not small that a relationship between them could harm her professional reputation. In addition to Alisons advice in regards to the unemployment situation, talk to the hospital billing office where you had your surgery. IME, most of the people saying that to me were older men. Hugs! Its Aussie or British. We dont even know whether the crush even if is romantically interested or will be crushed when they find out that their hiking buddy wants more. Older Man Younger Woman: 9 Reasons Why Dating With Age Gap Works. And also, do not raise this during work hours. American here- and although I dont use diary to mean a book with days of the week (Id use calendar or appointment book , Ive heard/read it often enough in the US that Ive never thought the calendar meaning was a British usage. Id normally discourage you from pursuing anything, because women need to be able to exist at work without being hit on when theyre friendly and also because of the age difference, but those late night hikes sound like youre certainly close. Intelligence is not a substitute for wisdom Im as smart now as I was 20 years ago, but Im wiser, because Ive learned more, and that only comes with time. I dont think its a sweet story at all. . I think its irrelevant to some people and if that works for them, thats wonderful. Personally Id call a private journal a diary and an appointment book a calendar though I wouldnt blink at people calling both of them diaries. It would be possible to be interested in potentially dating somebody and being open to romance with them but wanting to explore that transition really slowly. a Black man appears to be interacting with . As a general rule, when you dont want to get into a topic (especially one that people are often asking about simply to be polite / because its a social nicety), you can usually give a very short, vague response and then immediately ask about something in their life. I think having friends of varying ages is healthy and its perfectly normal to talk to your coworkers during downtime at work, regardless of how old they are. Seconding the last part of this. I might give that advice if the manager seemed to be interested or otherwise off, but not necessarily. Id use diary to mean a book with days of the week where Id write in my appointments, birthdays etc, but Id also use diary to mean personal and private journal. The context indicates which in my experience. The type of diary people write their secret thoughts in is likely to be more like a notebook allowing for longer entries. Like, of course he is hanging around like that, he is a puppy dog or no wonder she does not talk much, she is a cat. Unemployment likely has its own system, deadlines, steps, and lingo and a regular person who doesnt deal with it day in and day out may feel overwhelmed by the system itself. LW4: I work for a state university that had to furlough us for a few weeks in the summer. Thats not workplace advice anymore really, but between that and the fact that she is his superior at work, I dont think he shouldnt say anything. Im so sorry to hear that, my sympathies to you and your family. My Doctor: You need this medication. Observe to see if your coworker enters your personal space to touch you on the shoulder, touch your hair, touch or pat your arm, or bump into you repeatedly. As a 30s woman, this explanation was the first obvious thing I thought of too. has much stricter safety precautions than much of the country. Work crush older than me : relationship_advice - Reddit If she says no, you shouldnt blush, fumble, or make things worse. Hard agree. I am quite amused by this! I meanthats what getting older is like. It works for us. Retail is a lot more casual about those things IME. Maybe weve all bought the stereotype that Brits have nothing personal and private to say ;). Yeah, I agree. Expert Interview. Same gap, but I feel it wont be perceived nearly the same way it is now. If he makes his feelings known, shes unlikely to be pleased about it. Its been eating away at me for three years. Crush on a much younger colleague - The Workplace Stack Exchange (Note: Im autistic married to an autistic man so my sense of whats normal human interaction can be a bit off the mark. "You're married, not dead," jokes marriage counselor Rachel Wright, LMFT."One study 1 out of the University of Vermont revealed that 98% of men and 80% of women have fantasized about someone other than their current partner in the past two months," says sexologist Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D. 3) someone can get an attorney at any point. No part of my brain could understand what it could mean to describe someone as pissed around.. In other words, are you sure of her interest, and its not strictly platonic? I havent seen my mother who was diagnosed with dementia since January 2020. Lean in slightly towards him across a table, or angle your body squarely towards him while you're standing. #1 Age difference is irrelevant in love. I work in an extremely male-dominated environment, I started in the industry before leaving high school. It doesnt mean that love cant thrive across an age gap, but its important to go in clear-eyed about the potential challenges, and its important to realize where there are power differentials, especially when one party is a very young adult. Doing the math (please correct me if Im wrong) yields 25. (Then go bonkers on catnip and tear round the place at Mach 5 before divebombing onto your lap. How to Know if a Coworker Has a Crush on You, http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/56_dating_girl.html, http://madamenoire.com/323858/signs-a-guy-is-into-you/, http://www.businessinsider.com/rules-for-office-romance-2011-9#if-this-is-more-than-a-momentary-fling-arrange-for-a-really-uncomfortable-meeting-with-your-boss-7, https://www.freeadvice.com/legal/is-it-possible-to-bring-a-sexual-harassment-claim-after-a-voluntary-workplace-relationship-ends/, saber si le gustas a un compaero de trabajo, savoir si un(e) collgue a le bguin pour vous, Mengetahui Apakah Teman Sekantor Naksir Anda, Capire se un Collega Ha Preso una Cotta per Te, Saber se um Colega de Trabalho est Interessado em Voc, Feststellen ob ein Arbeitskollege auf dich steht, Weten of een collega een oogje op je heeft, Nhn ra mt ng nghip c tnh cm vi bn, , Arkadann Senden Holandn Nasl Anlarsn. Im about the same age as the boss, and I would not personally consider dating anyone younger than their late 20s. My mother was hospitalized due to a recent severe cancer diagnosis over Christmas. Maturity isnt a single attribute. Even if I was called away on an urgent matter, I always took two seconds to lock my computer. Work crush older than me I (24 F) have this crush at work (38 M), I am usually super friendly and open with everyone but I have found myself thinking about this man more than necessary. That rather makes me inclined to believe that the older person would be at least inclined to worry about age imbalances. Much like you, OP3, Im in the UK and after not seeing my parents for a long time I was gutted when things changed last minute and it meant not seeing them at all, so I really empathise and hope youre OK especially after yesterdays lockdown announcement. All we know about her is that shes 15 years older than him, that they have had intellectual conversations over the 3+ years theyve known each other through work, and that now that theyre in the same area and shes no longer his supervisor, theyre friendly enough to go for walks together sometimes. We have been blissfully married for 9 years. I am female and he is male, and that makes things easier. When I was a teen lots of people told me I was mature for my age. But as someone whose husband is 12 years younger than me, starting out as acquaintances, I can attest that its possible that these two folks could get together and be the real deal. Im really glad I dated him the brief time that I did because he turned out to become a really stellar man. Closed 7 years ago. OP #1 you just have to gauge whether the risk is worth it. Some will and some wont. But if it means that LW needs to continue having the same warm relationship with her outside of work, I dont think thats reasonable. What I will caution though is that a global emergency is a time when people might not be at their best for making a big decision like should I date this person who asked me?. The last thing I want is to be out alone in the dark woods with someone whos going to throw feelings at me. In my mid 20s, I had a mutual flirtation with a (same age) coworker. It doesnt change the advice, but Im having trouble picturing Jane was lazy and pissed around on a calendar and if its more of a journal, its an odd thing to keep out at work. I keep a diary (digital one) for work that I use to write down conversations before I have them. Oh, I very much disagree with the part about stepping back if shes not interested in dating. But given the age gap, I dont think your odds are good. Thanks! And hey, this woman goes on night hikes with him how many people (let alone colleagues) would anyone night hike with while having zero romantic interest in them? I explained the issue and the lawyer got back to me immediately and he said he was just so mad on my behalf he would handle it for free. My issue is this: (1) I thought she was about 25, but going from a conversation she had with our manager, she is actually in her early 30s. People get distracted people get interrupted urgent hey can you come here for just a second which turns out to be longer than expected happens Oh crap that second cup of coffee was a bad idea and I have 2 minutes before my next call situations arise. We are engineers in the same department but not in the same branch, and we sit close as well so I see him and talk to him often. Healthy Relationships: Definition, Why They're Good for You, and How to If its actually a diary as in a journal with personal thoughts it is extremely weird to have that open at work, unless the point was for Jane to read it because boss is passive-aggressive. It used be kind of amusing to see the posts of the person who posted about the food they cooked and their nails and hair, but I dared to say what I thought them taking risks in our current time and Im dictating their life and being a Karen. Lets date? The only way the OP can know which reaction hell get is to ask and unfortunately, its a risk. She may well see him as a quasi-mentee/little brother. is unfair and inaccurate. I am doing what Im suppose to! Do you normally carry in the mail and about the same time every day, or otherwise have access to your bosss office? I pretty much answer that way and I definitely admit to looking forward to vaccines. Definitely. I work in the greedy professions (ie consulting, corporate law, etc) and have bachelors and masters degrees. This does not apply to OP, who is an established adult, but I used to teach newly adult students, (18) some of whom Id taught at an earlier stage. I started dating my now-husband at 19 and he was 6 years older than me. I think the bigger issue here is OP cant get in touch with anyone. I think some of the comments got sidetracked by the Diary/Journal/Calendar discussion Whatever it was that your wife read, I do agree with advice given in the response. I think that was just an example of how to phrase the question, if he chooses to ask it. That doesnt make any difference though. Lets give people some credit until we have a reason not to. Especially if you dont usually get people coming into your office, I dont. Yes! Trello and Outlook do the same though and Ive been digital a while :). Agreed as a local govt agency employee; as soon as we get contacted by a deputy from city council or county board of supervisor office regarding a constituent issue, its basically drop everything and work on this now!. This article was co-authored by John Keegan. If I were in her shoes, even if I returned his feelings, that would probably keep me from wanting to pursue anything. LW4, it doesnt sound right to me that unemployment is asking you to pay more than they gave you. Then youre more likely to get a clear headed question and answer. Keeping respect intact for each other. Theyre also normal for people you arent romantically interested in, or people youre already romantically interested in. I think sometimes I forget that other people out there are trying to follow the rules as so many here arent. Taking Action. Theyd say they could date more established adults because they were mature. 33 Clear Signs A Female Coworker Likes You (2023) - Coaching Online I dont know about LWs medical condition, but I think it might be worth it for him/her to consider whether their medical condition constitutes a disability (or whether their employer perceived it as a disability) and if the firing was due to discrimination. update: how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? Maintaining intimacy in the relationship. Ask her questions and tell funny anecdotes. So at 36, the younger limit is 25. OP #1, a few things. Ditto on the men in their fifties emailing me as a thirtysomething. Yeah,the standard creepiness formula only works for a relatively tight set of numbers late twenties, thirties and rapidly gets more creepy outside those dates. Like, I wouldnt give into a crush unless I felt this person was the one, so much so that just the chance to be with them is more important than staying at this particular job. She hired and worked with him essentially as a kid. As in, she was supposed to have the reports done by 10am but she spent so much time pissing around that I didnt get them until 2pm!. If someone is around you a lot, but is around you out of necessity, they might not have feelings for you. A diary is either something you write your secret thoughts in (like the diary of Anne Frank) or something you write your appointments in. While at my last job, I had to get surgery to save my life and, due to the pandemic, had to move it a few times. Is there anyone else who could have said this about you? People tell me frequently that they think I am in my late twenties or early thirties because I present myself in a more formal / structured manner. Im not jealous, Im angry that people seem to not care. Is he complimentary and personally engaging to others in your workplace, or just you? When I went to the office in order to complete the exit formalities, we didnt get a chance to talk. Its awful and unfair and I hope it is resolved well), LW4 I have no advice but damn, I am so sorry. [10] Choose a good friend who has your best interests at heart and tell them how you feel about your boss. She made me break the shackles of silence and hesitation that had engulfed me. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. Sounds like the word has dual usage in British English, but it needed to be clarified for US and other readers who dont have both meanings for it. And on top of that, there are many things that Im perfectly capable of handling but that I decide to leave to other people when the stakes are high. There is a huge difference among: I love Christmas!, Look, LW1 is an adult, but you need to know that those of us who are older see statements like this as a red flag Keep in mind I am not your typical 21-year-old. Duck no. in. If your coworker compliments your physical looks or other things that are not related to work, it might mean that they have romantic interest in you. There are some very happy relationships with large age gaps and be very mindful of large age gaps in relationships are two statements that can coexist. She openly flirts with you A woman flirts with someone she likes and is comfortable with. Tons of people do work for the Gates Foundation! I would think it more likely that the older colleague views the OP as a nice kid with a common interest who shes happy to hang out with, but who she thinks is clearly not a romantic prospect and thus she is comfortable with these interactions in a way that she would probably not be if she considered he was likely to think of her that way. I considered myself a bit of an old soul when I was younger just because I enjoyed older movies and books and didnt have the same interests as a lot of people my age. Also, FYI, if she has reason think youre way older than you are, that is not necessarily a great foundation for a relationship. But that doesn't give you an excuse to keep reciprocating and communicating about your feeling to them. As for the OP, I doubt that anyone would be focused on their age gaps contribution to power differential issues if they were 36 and 51 respectively, or perhaps even 27 and 42. Yes, so it jumped out at me that the notebook/diary was out in the open, and well, open. (They were painful before the holiday too None of us are morning people!). Especially, if it's your co-worker, you've got to go slow. I dont think its accurate to describe that as an echo chamber unless its your sole source of news or information about the world, which doesnt seem to be the case at all. That takes 2 seconds. I previously did some consulting for a big-name client. Its also super common to have a crush on someone older for a variety of reasons. But they dont leave them open for me to find. It can do, yes. Even though you arent in her direct chain of command, she is in a position of power at the company. Open and honest communication. And thats exactly as it should be. But the last-minute travel ban was really hard on everyone. Is your coworker standing in a way that is inviting or relaxed? I am also happy to answer general questions about the process and direct you to your state agency. ON NOW. I slept late almost every day. What confused me is why anyone would keep a diary of deepest thoughts at work. It seems that whenever someone brings up the latter, people come out to say the former. Thats literally what they get paid for, and I still keep the staffers card in my wallet. I had some life experiences as a young child and a teen that matured me in ways that other people my age usually didnt experience, so I could definitely give off the mature for my age vibe. Do you feel a bit more rested and relaxed for it at least? Think positively about your prospectsolder women detect that level of confidence and are attracted to it. Its not a screaming siren (like the guy in Dazed and Confused played by Matthew McConaughey, the whole I date high schoolers because they stay the same age no matter how old I get vibe. Houston gas station shooting: Would-be robber shot outside convenience LW1 Ive been with my husband for 10 years, married for 7. That makes the task a bit easier. You may have to contact individuals separately (the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, etc) but the hospital may be willing to do it for you, or at least advise you on how to approach it. HPD makes arrest a day after 86-year-old woman put in chokehold. Make sure you always have the correct information when making a decision about what to do. Thread Tools. Its been mostly stuff like how was your break? followed by OK, how was yours and so was mine. I did have one complaining about ageism when I said no thankyou. Its a matrix of multiple life skills, understanding & judgment, and emotional development. Its quite possible there is sexual chemistry between you and this woman. There are some dark days yet ahead (although meanwhile apparently rich country club members in Florida were able to waltz to the head of the line for vaccine (even flying from NYC to do so) when local 1%er David Mack who controls some nursing homes used the cover of nursing home priority to get rich country club members inoculated first. I would please, please encourage people to not promote it. It could mean potential legal issues if either party is younger than the age of consent in your state. This woman is older than me (in my mid-20s, in her early 40s), and she has a son I believe is around my age. Either way technically its not illegal! is not a convincing excuse for a grown man or woman to date a younger person. I cant speak to every state, but administrative complaints, investigations, hearings, etc. This has red flags all over it. I was thinking it was like pissed off. I wouldnt read much into the night hikes, personally I spend one-on-one time with lots of male friends/coworkers (at all times of day) with absolutely no romantic interest on either side. I wonder if this is the same guy I used to work with (similar age) who announced angrily that dogs were more loyal and obedient than wives. My wife read her managers negative thoughts about her. If youre in too deep to brush it off, then youll have to decide whether youre willing to risk it allthats an age-old question. *the order might vary slightly from state to state or from the EEOC. Theres a much smaller chance that she has romantic intentions towards you. It may be Australian you can say pissed around, farted around or pissfarted around! You learn and change so much in your twenties! ), and maybe Im the one making weird assumptions about life stages, but Id just feel a little strange about it. Going into the purpose of a human rights commission and the type of people who work there seems unlikely to make a difference at this point, so I will only repeat: 1) I have actual experience with HRCs. Does it also run the risk of seeming like name dropping? We do get judged by our soft skills at work and this is something that could unfairly look like naivety about life stages and reading others even if its just a reasonable miscalculation. (Even if she returns OPs feelings). Indeed. The age difference plus the fact that shes a manager at the company and the late night hikes are setting off alarm bells for me. Severed ties with an ex who wouldnt go away? Thank you, WS. We shrug off the question, go lets hope for better and put the kettle on. Its possible, but not highly likely. Also? In any case, your wife now has the advantage of knowing what her manager thinks of her, when previously she didnt, and thats useful. I dont date people more than 5 years either side of my own age so to me age is an important factor. All of those are perfectly normal things to do throughout the workday. Your job is to make it clear that its not the entire reason youve stayed friendly all this time and that its more of an exploring a possibility thing as to whether shed be open to it.