Im realizing that I might need to do that so I can truly heal. It may be hard when former co-workers are also friends but friends should also understand you left for a reason and the sooner the former employer realizes they need someone new to do the job or that they let a valuable resource they cant seem to replace walk away the better it will be for everyone. I will certainly save it for myself just in case as well as tempting as it is to just delete, youre right that I dont know if/how I might need this later on. 2x your current pay rate per hour? F U pay me. In my case it was 5 months ago, when I received an email from the former CEO of my last place blaming me, in detail, for why hes now facing a prison sentence and his girlfriend has left him. Hes of no use to you. Youre right! Unless he repeats the same phrasing on various occasions that would out the letter writer as the source of the review. Can my previous employer contact my current employer and say Wow, this is what my ex did a lot of after I cut him out of my life. Whenever I need a reference for that post I give a specific HR contact instead (they helped deal with the fact that I couldnt cope with interacting with him any more, after I forwarded them a bunch of emails he sent which showed how awful he was, and agreed to be my contact at the uni because I dont trust him not to write something horrific). Do. The email addresses were vaguely threatening, like 72ways, so show hed keep doing it. And definitely NOT listen to unprofessional language from abusive boss. ), he sent back a scathing email doing nothing but blame me for all of the future issues this would have. Slow clap to this response. Six days a week, for three months? I blocked him, so he created dummy email accounts to continue yelling at me. I agree that answering a few quick questions is a professional norn, but any thoughts about our budget shortfall? is already waaaay too open-ended and is not a quick question at all. However, if the requests for help you're getting would take up a significant amount of your time (either individually or cumulatively), at that point you can draw a boundary by explaining that you can answer the occasional quick question but don't have time for more than that. Im so proud of you for getting the heck out of dodge. LW, I am silently toasting you from Canada. Well, I spoke with an employment attorney about that once. Oh, and Im so sorry you have went through this. I agree. Block or otherwise ignore. If he treated me like your ex boss he would be completely blocked via phone and email. :). Your ex-boss is a unicorn, an evil unicorn with a horn dripping poison. That was a fun, lengthy list for me today. There has likely been some Instead, concentrate on building up your reputation and skills at your current employer. Protective because if theres any chink in your armour hell try again and again to gain access and its just not good for you. Toxic former employer keeps contacting me what do I say : r/jobs And I dont know why that good reference feels so valuable Ive seen him give a really horrible reference. Should you be worried? Thats going to take practice, but this is an excellent skill to cultivate, because if you are a compassionate and conscientious person, this is probably not the last time youre going to find yourself in a situation like this. My former boss also HireRight Post Employment Restraints for Employees - Australian Workplace There are many reasons you might not want the employer to contact your previous employers, but you should generally permit employers to contact the Just when youve thought youve escaped, they will Hoover again. NOT take blame for boss making decisions 6 months later based on these outdated #s. NOT help boss figure out ways to mitigate fix this now including taking into account youve not worked there in months and a global pandemic is skewing all decisions. But, if you do, youd be working as a contractor, so youd have to pay the IRS about half of what you make. Im glad youre making efforts to heal. A former employee made a mistake. Hes trying to control you through any means possible. Also, many politicians deliberately underfund and hobble regulatory bodies as much as they can. You can read my answer to this question over at Inc. today, where Im revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and often updating/expanding my answers to them). . Look at it this way: lets say your new job was being a penguin snuggler in Antarctica or frog surveyor in the Amazon, or somewhere else totally unreachable. This is so outrageous Im shaking a bit reading about it. May you hearken back to the wise words shared on this site- both by Alison and in the comments and be able to see the many paths open to you that arent labelled suffer in silence. Its totally fine to burn a bridge if its a bridge leading to a hell hole. Also if someone calls your phone: if its the boss, dont answer. company that fired me is still contacting me with questions 5 Of course not. It doesnt necessarily have to be physical control. At that point, everybody just has to do his/her best to get through the tough period. Its a neat trick to dump an impossible workload on someone and then blame them for the work being low-quality. That was my first thought as well. I have an awful past boss who Ive cut ties with. These should be a small number of things that don't take up significant amounts of your time. But she may have some insights on how to address similar situations in the future. Abusive people like this (in my experience) tend to take over so many aspects of your life so that cutting them out entirely seems like it could damage every part of your life, not just your past work. Half a year! I completely agree with the sentiment that this man does not want a fix. Agree with Alisons recommendations. Retaining them may help you later on. updates: coworker prayed Ill return to Jesus, the awful corporate jargon, and more. Even if terrible bosses are common (I honestly cant say) they are never normal. Its just an excuse. While I do think its courteous to answer quick questions, my experience is that its really important to leave good documentation to head off a lot of questions, and to establish boundaries up front- i.e. Thank you for your reply buddy :*. The key is to now do their work when they first call but turn them back to documentation or doing their own homework. Its funnyIve had this happen at pretty much every job Ive left, regardless of how detailed the documentation was that I left. Luckily the thing he tried to blackmail me with was BS and my current company had my back. Hollow or vague threats to involve a lawyer tend to be transparent to people whove had more experience with actual threats. Huh. What to Do When Your Old Employer Won't Leave You Block that jerk! I love the phrase not your monkeys, not your circus. :X, Yes , at that time, I did use another number on another phone, and informed my family and close friends about that. Cut all ties with him and his company and dont look back. At a previous job I had a fairly new manager (following a merger) when I gave notice. Unless you want to read them much later and have a good chuckle. With that being said, because of my position and tenure with the organization, I unfortunately suffered the worst of it for the longest period of time. All of them have supported my professionally, trusted me to do my job, and generally been awesome. - Quora Something went wrong. But thats as far as I want to go, at least as far as just helping out for free. You also currently have a much nice boss/job that you could use as a reference and you can always use a colleague/other department head/HR from your former company but definitely dont use ex-boss. Once my replacement called me after almost half a year to ask where to find some forms and what to do with them. I dunno. In your situation, I probably would have forwarded all communication to the person who had you testify without responding back. They dont go hunting people down. Its so nice to know Im not alone, and that Im not wrong in wanting to run far, far away as fast as I can. Its what they want. I am so sorry you had to deal with this. LW, Im so sorry you went through this and Im so glad you got out of that job! I realize this is an old thread, but Im happy to see it because it justifies what Ive been telling my friends for years. Thanks for the recommendation I will add that to my reading list. Everything Alison said is 100% right, and I hope you continue to move forward with good help and great future opportunities. When your former boss reaches out, it must feel like his hand is coming out of your screen and yanking you back into time when you were under this thumb. Nope. More evidence for them, and might actually influence the kind of deal theyre willing to offer him. Im thinking soon after I could be polite and offer some level of help but where do I draw the line and say hey guys, Im not getting paid for this. You said you felt you had to protect this reference for a few years. Also, can confirm: its wonderfully freeing once you get to the zero f*cks given stage of this growth process. Apparently your ex-boss did not bother to do that. I sincerely hope you have hit your limit on them, but just in case, remember Alisons advice on interviewing and that you are checking whether theyre someone you want to work for as much as they are checking whether they want to hire you. If its important to be exactly right, then yes, you definitely need a second pair of eyes looking at numbers. At this point I think it would be fair and righteously vindictive to both automatically archive said emails and forward them to his superiors. It can feel like a really big step to block someone, it certainly panicked me all over again, but I noticed a few hours after thatI felt pretty good about it. This. My boss STILL tells that story except she never tells the ending of it. The only useful aspect of this tirade is it clearly indicates that a future reference from this ex-boss will be terrible and sabotaging. One of the most satisfying things I did on an exit interview was produce three really upsetting emails the boss I was fleeing from sent me. Hahahaha thats incredible. If you stood up to bullies on the playground as a kid, just know that is NOT the same as standing up to an abusive boss. Typically the cross-checking person just compares it to a similar calculation and makes sure theyre in the same ballpark, but yeah, we do check when its life or death, sort of thing. I wish that you had written him back to say, Since I no longer work there, before I read and respond to this email we will need to negotiate my hourly contractor fee., He sent back a scathing email doing nothing but blame me for all of the future issues this would have.. Guess what I found? Other than that, shes very competent and a pleasure to work with. I will add that to my reading list for sure. Today was my last day at a job, and I explicitly said Id be happy to answer emailed questions, but I cant guarantee a timely response, because I will not be reading my personal email or handling their questions during business hours and my family comes first after. Did you tell them about it at the time? Except I rather would like the idea of Jareth the Goblin King having :-) all kinds ;-) of power over me ;-) ;-). Around 8-10 hours a week. People tend to forget that these are conventions, not rights or laws, largely aimed at preserving a reference. You should see requests drop off precipitously after that. Its selfish, but Im still trying to just survive I dont want to open new opportunities for abuse. levels of corporate cruelty. So much can change in that time (remember how we all had the luxury of eating in a restaurant six months ago?)! Hes not looking for your to fix this or for you to provide information for him on how to improve things. Unfortunately. They Can! What you went through before was not normal. Given how your boss approached it, even that was not a reasonable expectation. I was physically sick too my body was literally breaking down. This made me laugh out loud and I scared the cat! If you deny them that, its so much more likely that theyll continue escalating until they can get it. This is harassment; you have proof. Cutting him out entirely may be hard at first, but it sounds like it will absolutely be worth it in the end. Generally, this type can no longer function within a normal organizational structure and so are attracted to being an entrepreneur and starting their own business. Thank you! As your manager, he was responsible for your work being up to scratch. It should have come within 6 weeks-2months. Goodness, I have a lot of feelings about this! Ive been at my new job 9+ months. There absolutely is such a future. Its like once you get into a position of power at a company, you are immune. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Preferably that means catching them before they get anywhere. I quit via email and then got not one but three abusive emails afterward, blaming me for everything wrong in the office and telling me how I should be grateful for all the kindness she showed me while I was there. Lets break this down a bit. You dont ever, ever have to talk to this person again or let him abuse you. Im not instantly available just because someone wants/needs something. And if they do want more substantive work, ask for an hourly rate of at least twice your salary and set a minimum billing increment of 30 minutes. Thankfully, that worked. The first 1.5 years were fine. Mediocre managers are common, but abusive horrorshows are rare. Thats awesome that Massachusetts has that protection. WebA CRA will contact the employers listed on your resume or application to verify the dates you worked and the positions you held. When someones behavior doesnt seem rational, I try and shift perspective and see if theres an emotional need or similar reason driving the behavior. This does not get pointed out enough. Please take care of yourself and keep working with your therapist. Dont actually do that. I was sympathetic to the coworkers I was leaving behind, but I made sure to remember that 1) if I had left the company entirely, I would definitely not be expected to continue helping, and 2) they have the same information I had when I concluded that the management issues leading to turnover were not going to change, and my best bet was to leave and they assumably could arrive at the same conclusion I had and leave themselves. Send him a #byefelicia gif and THEN block him. I am SO lucky to be in a place thats the exact opposite of my last job, which is making it that much more jarring when the old boss comes back into my life. Keep moving forward. Answer: The Legality of Contacting Previous Employers Without Assuming this is legal in your location, in many locations its legal as long as one side consents (thats you). Were talking millions going missing. I think she had so much time. Unless you signed an agreement that unequivocally prohibits you from competing or contacting clients for a reasonably defined period of time, you are generally allowed to do so. You dont work there anymore! After he took over, the only tech support I got to perform was showing him out to play Pinball on his Vista laptop. The only blame he has is all ON HIMSELF. And again *he* did that. Go with Alisons advice, its solid and professional. Ghosts cant send email! Do. Titan has suffered a 'catastrophic implosion'. Remember, you were so stressed from working ridiculous hours AND being abused that you became physically ill! Its obvious the system of requiring employees to report or sue employers themselves doesnt work. From one abuse survivor to another, please be gentle with yourself. Theyve had plenty of time to learn what I do but havent bothered. Sigh. I didnt give into the bait until a month before I left the country because that seemed okay. SO important. It is the guide us through the steps instead of us managing it ourselves stuff that eats you alive. It is ALSO a personal issue. Heh, Destroyer of Worlds, my ^ response was for Vina, but yours fits just as well! I filed for unemployment, the rest of the women banded together and sued the owners for discrimination. If you need my help, Id like to be paid.. You are not on his payroll anymore. Would it be reasonable for them to expect you to come rushing back to civilization to help them out? If you leave the file in good shape, different story. Do not contact me again, ever, for any reason.. Seconded! You dont want to give someone like that any ammunition to think they still have power over you. As for blocking your old boss, do it on all channel now: email (personal and business), phone, Facebook, Instagram, etc. Its really important to set boundaries, especially when companies are willing to take advantage. I didnt get to call them and ask, much less call and berate them; the job was mine now and it was up to me to fix what had been previously broken. He tried to fight the unemployment, saying that I hadnt been there for 90 days. At one point she cut my job from full time to part time meaning I lost my health insurance with one week of notice. Dont just block on email, since these types of people will often look for other ways to shower you with their anger. She started sputtering after I said that and I told her I would let her go so she could deal with her issue. update: I resent my employee for being richer and more qualified than me, can I say I cant come to the office because of my dog, our unlimited vacation is really just three weeks, and more. Block, know that it is right, justified and absolutely OK to do. It wasnt unreasonable but I didnt feel a need to help her out so I didnt respond. CEO freaked out when a new hire quit, brilliant employee is horribly inappropriate, and more, updates: stopping a nickname, taking over a deceased coworkers office, and more, update: our new admin crashed the company car and lied about it, my coworker keeps asking me for personal favors. Pretend hes Jareth the Goblin King and repeat after me YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME! You should not be responding to him at all. I cant trust him. What Can a Past Employer Legally Disclose About You When Of course, you're not under any formal obligation to do even this. Have the filter mark them read, never look at the folder but if you ever need proof of harassment, theyll be there. This explains a lot about some invitations to collaborate I got from the big boss at Toxic Ex-Job a year or so after I finally escaped that hellpit. If shes worried about what hes writing, she can ask someone else who has her back to read them and tell her theres nothing she needs to respond to. I really wish you all the best, but since I no longer work at this company I wont be able to be in contact to help anymore. And then, since you can leave any time after your exit interview on your last day and theyd locked me out of email right after it, I left. stressing about how to keep a good reference from a manager that was emotionally abusive. That kind of environment *guarantees* errors will be made on a pretty regular basis. If I help too much, Im enabling those management situations to continue by helping mitigate/hide the turnover issue. Both emails were anonymous, but I have a pretty good idea who wrote them. But if you did something that displeased her in any way she would give you the silent treatment. For what its worth, it sounds to me like your ex-boss has been sloppy, is looking around for someone to blame and has settled on you (possibly because as someone outside the organisation you dont now have enough information to fully realise how badly he may have messed this up).